We all live by expectations and is it any wonder why we all get disappointed? In marriages, we expect our spouses to be perfect fits to our demands, schedules and desires. We expect on time and on point delivery at all times, and when it does not happen exactly the way we want it to, when we want it to, we end up frustrated. To some, it results to immediate anger, rage, flaring up and foul words. For others, issues bubble overtime, slow boiling before the lid blows. It begins with harboring resentment over needs unmet. This leads to bitterness and then silent spite. This is never good. When the last straw breaks the camel's back, no encouraging words can be expected. Whether it is slow boil or quick temper, nothing good ever comes out. An angry heart will always spew out discouraging words. Total objectivity and positive response to criticism will always be difficult the moment we have nurtured bitterness inside, prejudged a person and are driven by pride. But as the helper of our spouses, we ought to be encouragers. Supporters of their dreams. Keepers of their faith. Builders of their confidence. Champions of their causes. Admittedly, many times I failed to be those to Paul. But I have learned this lesson the hard way and today I do know better than I did then. I have yet to learn many things on how to be a better encourager but with Jesus as the perfecter of my faith, I know I will be able to with His grace. Take a moment to breathe and think...have you done your part to encourage your loved one?
~~~~~
Lord, my high expectations from people close to me has been one of the major reasons of my own disappointments. I refused to accept that all are human, imperfect and capable of making mistakes just as I was. I had this notion that what I am capable to do for people, they can do, too and should be reciprocated in the exact same way. And when it's not, I end up angry and resentful paving way to lashing out words that belittle and wound others. I failed to admit that I was no different from others. I too am just as human, with flaws, imperfections and "specks", that may even be "logs", in my eyes. My unreasonable demand, difficult expectations were clear indications of my misguided objectivity. My constant disapproval of my loved ones efforts, as much as I hate to admit, is the one reason that caused my spouse to lose his confidence. Instead of encouraging words, mine were critical ones. But You Lord melted my pride, caused a radical change in my heart. Though it may still be a challenge for me not to make high expectations, I am certain that You will convict me to lower them to a reasonable level. You will guide me how to strengthen my husbands confidence rather than cause it to take a dip, to make our relationship his refuge, a safe place rather than a hostile one where we inspire even when we fail, to be a beacon and not the cloud that casts a shadow over my marrage, to be Paul's greatest encourager, to be my husband's God's best. Amen.
Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed for I take refuge in You. -- Psalm 25:20
~~~~~
Lord, my high expectations from people close to me has been one of the major reasons of my own disappointments. I refused to accept that all are human, imperfect and capable of making mistakes just as I was. I had this notion that what I am capable to do for people, they can do, too and should be reciprocated in the exact same way. And when it's not, I end up angry and resentful paving way to lashing out words that belittle and wound others. I failed to admit that I was no different from others. I too am just as human, with flaws, imperfections and "specks", that may even be "logs", in my eyes. My unreasonable demand, difficult expectations were clear indications of my misguided objectivity. My constant disapproval of my loved ones efforts, as much as I hate to admit, is the one reason that caused my spouse to lose his confidence. Instead of encouraging words, mine were critical ones. But You Lord melted my pride, caused a radical change in my heart. Though it may still be a challenge for me not to make high expectations, I am certain that You will convict me to lower them to a reasonable level. You will guide me how to strengthen my husbands confidence rather than cause it to take a dip, to make our relationship his refuge, a safe place rather than a hostile one where we inspire even when we fail, to be a beacon and not the cloud that casts a shadow over my marrage, to be Paul's greatest encourager, to be my husband's God's best. Amen.
Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed for I take refuge in You. -- Psalm 25:20