by Tini Tadeo-Castillo
I came across a podcast about marriage this morning, how the word CHERISH can bring our marriages into a whole new dimension. It said that cherishing marriage is so rich, it's truly worth working for. I agree.
Early in the morning yesterday, I found myself weeping to the Lord for something I desired for my husband which I felt he had no desire to pursue. It was a selfish weep, I admit. I was quickly reminded through a sister in Christ that my hope lies in the Lord, not and never on my husband. I was relieved albeit temporarily. My heart wasn't yet in the place of fully letting go of the creeping resentment. My silence was a defiance to my husband and when I wasn't indulged, I had more resons to hold on to the resentment. Though I recognized the attack, I had a hard time releasing the emotion, firmly clutching on to it because deep inside, I still felt justified of my bitterness. My desire was aligned with His will for us, wasn't it? What was wrong with it?
Come evening, I watched a Korean drama with my daughter and sister. As we watched a couple of episodes, I found myself feeling relieved in many ways. Although the drama was just heavy in the heart and I was bawling like crazy, deep within I felt a sense of relief. That I didn't have to go through the pain of separation as the Goblin and his bride had to go through, or to be torn between grief and guilt as the Grim Reaper felt. Suddenly, my drama felt so irrelevant compared to the tragedy they were going through. The Lord has a funny way of teaching me a lesson on cherishing. I hadn't been exactly a cherishing spouse when I gave him silence. I wasn't rude yet I was cold. To me that was dying to myself, restraining my tongue. But what was the real reason for the silence? Defiance.
That wasn't cherishing at all. I could see how my temperament had taken another jab at my marriage. Why wasn't I giving him the benefit of the doubt? Knowing Paul, he would never intentionally hurt me. But things got jumbled up in his mind and he said something I didn't find too nice. I could not let go of it. Now I assess it, I realized he was just calling a spade a spade, I was just sensitive and emotional and childish. Doing mental gymnastics this morning made me realize that I had not given him the benefit of the doubt.There was no grace on my part.
Lesson learned: Contempt really does not make sense especially in a marriage. As the guy in the podcast said, “it serves no purpose to express disdain or disrespect or contempt”. Rudeness, silence or bitterness will never ever produce a more intimate, more fulfilling and happier marriage. Regardless of what our spouses does or does not do, we must aim to cherish. I must aim to cherish Paul, extending grace and giving him the benefit of the doubt, and trusting God to work on him, according to His timeline and not mine.
Lastly, today I realized another definition of marriage. Worship. Marriage is worship. One of the best ways we could love our heavenly Father, is treating Him as our "Father-in-law" and loving and cherishing His son/daughter.
I came across a podcast about marriage this morning, how the word CHERISH can bring our marriages into a whole new dimension. It said that cherishing marriage is so rich, it's truly worth working for. I agree.
Early in the morning yesterday, I found myself weeping to the Lord for something I desired for my husband which I felt he had no desire to pursue. It was a selfish weep, I admit. I was quickly reminded through a sister in Christ that my hope lies in the Lord, not and never on my husband. I was relieved albeit temporarily. My heart wasn't yet in the place of fully letting go of the creeping resentment. My silence was a defiance to my husband and when I wasn't indulged, I had more resons to hold on to the resentment. Though I recognized the attack, I had a hard time releasing the emotion, firmly clutching on to it because deep inside, I still felt justified of my bitterness. My desire was aligned with His will for us, wasn't it? What was wrong with it?
Come evening, I watched a Korean drama with my daughter and sister. As we watched a couple of episodes, I found myself feeling relieved in many ways. Although the drama was just heavy in the heart and I was bawling like crazy, deep within I felt a sense of relief. That I didn't have to go through the pain of separation as the Goblin and his bride had to go through, or to be torn between grief and guilt as the Grim Reaper felt. Suddenly, my drama felt so irrelevant compared to the tragedy they were going through. The Lord has a funny way of teaching me a lesson on cherishing. I hadn't been exactly a cherishing spouse when I gave him silence. I wasn't rude yet I was cold. To me that was dying to myself, restraining my tongue. But what was the real reason for the silence? Defiance.
That wasn't cherishing at all. I could see how my temperament had taken another jab at my marriage. Why wasn't I giving him the benefit of the doubt? Knowing Paul, he would never intentionally hurt me. But things got jumbled up in his mind and he said something I didn't find too nice. I could not let go of it. Now I assess it, I realized he was just calling a spade a spade, I was just sensitive and emotional and childish. Doing mental gymnastics this morning made me realize that I had not given him the benefit of the doubt.There was no grace on my part.
Lesson learned: Contempt really does not make sense especially in a marriage. As the guy in the podcast said, “it serves no purpose to express disdain or disrespect or contempt”. Rudeness, silence or bitterness will never ever produce a more intimate, more fulfilling and happier marriage. Regardless of what our spouses does or does not do, we must aim to cherish. I must aim to cherish Paul, extending grace and giving him the benefit of the doubt, and trusting God to work on him, according to His timeline and not mine.
Lastly, today I realized another definition of marriage. Worship. Marriage is worship. One of the best ways we could love our heavenly Father, is treating Him as our "Father-in-law" and loving and cherishing His son/daughter.