Responsibility is something that has been instilled in me at a very young age. My parents and my grandmother made sure that I learned to be responsible as I grew up and I did. To some extent. You see I was a free spirit, stubborn to the core and I felt entitled to make decisions for myself,--never minding the consequence. So it was no surprise that in the relationship that mattered most in my life, I would do badly. Having married young, I was clearly, emotionally unprepared for many things and I got some ideas wrongly. I combined responsibility with control and it was a lethal mix. I would take the wheel but drove poorly. It was only when I almost drove my marriage off the cliff, that I relinquished control. But surrender isn't enough when you realize just how wretched you have been to the people who mattered most to you. As I learned to know about the Jesus who paid for my sins, I learned to love Him. And I knew I truly loved Him to the core when it came to a point that I wanted to fix things for His glory. I was so grateful for His work on the cross for me that I wanted to do something I haven't done in a long time--be accountable for my iniquities. I admitted I made a huge mess of my life and sought His wisdom and strength to do what was right in His eyes--even if it meant that I must go through sufferings, although I knew that it would never come close to His. I sought to be cleansed that I may be worthy of His calling for me. I swallowed my pride, admitted my failings, prayed to be ready for whatever consequence my selfish decisions would result to. Yes, I was scared, I was petrified like never before. Knees wobbling, heart beating fast and voice shaking -- I faced the greatest responsibility of my life which was admitting my sins to the one I love yet hurt the most. It was the most crucial step I had to make to take my marriage to a whole new level but it was a make or break decision. But God in His loving faithfulness, granted me with strength to face all of it. And true to His amazing grace He honored a heart that was sincere and willing to take responsibility. My prayers were heard and He blessed me, my spouse and my marriage with a new set of chances to make things right with Him. All glory to Jesus!
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Lord, being responsible for my words, actions and decisions have always been a constant test for me. When my actions result in total failure, I'm not one to admit mistake, too proud to accept that I botched up. I'd stand tall, carry on and refuse to accept I overshot the mark. When hurtful words come out of my mouth, I'm not one to feel immediate remorse, often telling myself the person deserved every ounce of hurt. When decisions go wrong, I'd point a finger at someone else, I'd deflect criticism, refuse to admit that such move was done impulsively and those that were done selfishly would be immediately justified. When opinions don't agree with mine, I get too proud and believe that mine is always better. Unfortunately, the easiest target, the person almost always on the receiving end of this irrationality are the people closest to my heart. My children and most specially my spouse. I realized, how I could demand personal responsibility from others when I clearly fail at it in every aspect. But thank You Lord for opening my mind, I've discerned that love isn't just kind, patient and unconditional but responsible, too. Though it is a struggle for me to admit and correct these mistakes upfront, I am certain that You will move me do this further in the future, willingly and lovingly. You gave me a heart of repentance Lord and I shall make it grow for You, for my loved ones and for myself. Thank You for convicting me to make my mistakes right, correct my offenses, humbling myself and repairing the damages I have done. Thank You for the grace and strength You gave me in taking what were difficult steps for me. Only You can do this and no other. Amen.
When you judge another, you condemn yourself , since you, the judge, do the same things. -- Romans 2:1
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Lord, being responsible for my words, actions and decisions have always been a constant test for me. When my actions result in total failure, I'm not one to admit mistake, too proud to accept that I botched up. I'd stand tall, carry on and refuse to accept I overshot the mark. When hurtful words come out of my mouth, I'm not one to feel immediate remorse, often telling myself the person deserved every ounce of hurt. When decisions go wrong, I'd point a finger at someone else, I'd deflect criticism, refuse to admit that such move was done impulsively and those that were done selfishly would be immediately justified. When opinions don't agree with mine, I get too proud and believe that mine is always better. Unfortunately, the easiest target, the person almost always on the receiving end of this irrationality are the people closest to my heart. My children and most specially my spouse. I realized, how I could demand personal responsibility from others when I clearly fail at it in every aspect. But thank You Lord for opening my mind, I've discerned that love isn't just kind, patient and unconditional but responsible, too. Though it is a struggle for me to admit and correct these mistakes upfront, I am certain that You will move me do this further in the future, willingly and lovingly. You gave me a heart of repentance Lord and I shall make it grow for You, for my loved ones and for myself. Thank You for convicting me to make my mistakes right, correct my offenses, humbling myself and repairing the damages I have done. Thank You for the grace and strength You gave me in taking what were difficult steps for me. Only You can do this and no other. Amen.
When you judge another, you condemn yourself , since you, the judge, do the same things. -- Romans 2:1