by Tini Tadeo-Castillo
Yesterday was one for the books. In the past birthdays I had and the days leading up to it, I would often find myself nostalgic, sentimental and almost always expectant. But this year, turning 41 came with peace. Two days before my birthday, my Mama said, "Lapit na birthday mo!" (Your birthday is fast approaching!) and I replied, "Ssssh, tayo lang nakakakaalm niyan, huwag mo ipagsabi!" (Hush, that's just between us!) It was my way of saying, there is nothing grand to look forward to. And honestly, I really thought my birthday wasn't until a week from that day. I guess I was that unmindful. I had no expectations and I realized how crucial expectations were to the state you would be in when your birthday comes. Because I had much expectations in the past, I would end up disappointed and embittered. And it was never because of the people I was surrounded with but because I was too consumed with myself, with what I wanted and what I felt I deserved. This year, like I said, was one for the books. One that is by far, the best.
So what made yesterday one for the books? Peace, like I said. I found myself feeling the quietness and tasting the beauty in being still before God. It was a steady feeling that assured me that all is truly well with my soul. In all my birthdays, I had never truly felt such until yesterday. There is a security in my heart that I never quite expected to feel at this point in my life. Because 41 is such a random number, right? Who knew turning 41 could be this utterly beautiful and awesome?
I guess I have reached that point in my life that I am content with what I have within my hands. The people who matters much to me were all present. I had spent the entire day with my husband, at home, cuddled watching, eating and talking. My Mama and my sister came bearing gifts and my in laws prepared a feast and bought a cake for me. I spent the entire day feeling loved. So much love that it was truly enough. Greetings came through social media but truth be told, I could not care less whether I received a hundred or none. Not because I do not appreciate those who took time out to greet me. I do and my heart is full! Yet I know that with or without these things, I am content and have joy. The kind that did not depend on anything temporal. The kind that operates on a steady trust in God and unfazed by any outside condition. But don't get me wrong. I do not live under the illusion that it will always be like this. I have a long journey up ahead and I am certain that the ride will be bumpy many times. The storms maybe daunting and my peace will be shaken. Many times over. But today and hopefully over the next few days and weeks, I will savor this peace, joy and stillness in my heart. How?
By keeping in mind the only greeting that mattered to me on my birthday: God's message--He loves me. His love knows no bounds, age or time. He loved me at 15, 30, 40 and yes at 41. In my sinful state, in my redemption and sanctification up to the time I will meet Him face to face--He loves me. The kind of love that endured the Cross. No, he was not forced to do it for me. He freely choose to do so because He loved me. Now, what birthday message would beat this?
O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. ~ Psalm 136:1
Yesterday was one for the books. In the past birthdays I had and the days leading up to it, I would often find myself nostalgic, sentimental and almost always expectant. But this year, turning 41 came with peace. Two days before my birthday, my Mama said, "Lapit na birthday mo!" (Your birthday is fast approaching!) and I replied, "Ssssh, tayo lang nakakakaalm niyan, huwag mo ipagsabi!" (Hush, that's just between us!) It was my way of saying, there is nothing grand to look forward to. And honestly, I really thought my birthday wasn't until a week from that day. I guess I was that unmindful. I had no expectations and I realized how crucial expectations were to the state you would be in when your birthday comes. Because I had much expectations in the past, I would end up disappointed and embittered. And it was never because of the people I was surrounded with but because I was too consumed with myself, with what I wanted and what I felt I deserved. This year, like I said, was one for the books. One that is by far, the best.
So what made yesterday one for the books? Peace, like I said. I found myself feeling the quietness and tasting the beauty in being still before God. It was a steady feeling that assured me that all is truly well with my soul. In all my birthdays, I had never truly felt such until yesterday. There is a security in my heart that I never quite expected to feel at this point in my life. Because 41 is such a random number, right? Who knew turning 41 could be this utterly beautiful and awesome?
I guess I have reached that point in my life that I am content with what I have within my hands. The people who matters much to me were all present. I had spent the entire day with my husband, at home, cuddled watching, eating and talking. My Mama and my sister came bearing gifts and my in laws prepared a feast and bought a cake for me. I spent the entire day feeling loved. So much love that it was truly enough. Greetings came through social media but truth be told, I could not care less whether I received a hundred or none. Not because I do not appreciate those who took time out to greet me. I do and my heart is full! Yet I know that with or without these things, I am content and have joy. The kind that did not depend on anything temporal. The kind that operates on a steady trust in God and unfazed by any outside condition. But don't get me wrong. I do not live under the illusion that it will always be like this. I have a long journey up ahead and I am certain that the ride will be bumpy many times. The storms maybe daunting and my peace will be shaken. Many times over. But today and hopefully over the next few days and weeks, I will savor this peace, joy and stillness in my heart. How?
By keeping in mind the only greeting that mattered to me on my birthday: God's message--He loves me. His love knows no bounds, age or time. He loved me at 15, 30, 40 and yes at 41. In my sinful state, in my redemption and sanctification up to the time I will meet Him face to face--He loves me. The kind of love that endured the Cross. No, he was not forced to do it for me. He freely choose to do so because He loved me. Now, what birthday message would beat this?
O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. ~ Psalm 136:1