In the midst of self-doubt and in the wake of a leadership challenge, I stumbled upon a verse from the Book of James that speaks of wisdom, both worldly and godly.
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
I knew right away why I had to come upon this. The Lord wanted me to do a heart-check. He wanted me to assess whether I am on the right track and with the right speed. Yet again, I am placed in a situation where the enemy is dragging me into a playground and making me second-guess my actions, decisions and motivations. Then again, it could also be God’s way of keeping my pride in check. I was in for a big discovery.
Worldly wisdom sows and is rooted in envy and selfish ambition, the verse said. Was I seeking my own glory and not His? Worldly wisdom is arrogant, boasting and lies against the truth. Was my pride creeping up and making a scene in all of these issues? Are my actions giving lie to the truth I profess and want to impart to the sheep I was tasked to shepherd? Worldly wisdom is earthly, unspiritual and demonic, it goes on to say. Was I seeking my own will and not God’s, pushing to reign supreme and opposing God and His truth? The verse says it results to disorder, lack of unity and every evil thing. Was I pursuing my own cause causing division and conflict in the body, sowing seeds of malice and evil?
At first it seems James was out on a witch-hunt and I honestly felt as if I was in an inquisition where I hope to come out unscathed. Except, I didn’t. And I am not at all surprised because Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Indeed, it judged my pride. Yet, even as I felt pinned on the ground and backed against the wall, God was gracious. He wanted me to see my own heart, to humble me for my own good. He wasn’t done speaking to me and so James went on.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
While God dealt with what was ugly in me, He also wanted me to check and see what He was making beautiful within. Something, the enemy told me that wasn’t there. Godly wisdom is pure and peaceable, James said. Am I pursuing peace in my relationships? Is there peace in my home, with my husband and children? Do I sow peace within the church and in ministry? Godly wisdom is considerate and submissive, he continues. Do I make allowances for the offense and fault of others or do I continuously seek, rant and zero in on what I perceive to be wrong with people and in situations? Am I willing to change my view when proven wrong? Am I quick to listen and slow to anger? Am I able to see the difference between issues that are worth giving blood over and those that aren’t? Godly wisdom is full of mercy and good fruit, he further says. Is my faith showing itself in practical good deeds? Do I have compassion for anyone suffering, whether those in sin and rebellion or those who are suffering because of God’s refining? Godly wisdom is impartial and sincere, he adds. Am I unwavering in my loyalty to Jesus? Am I a friend of the world or of God? Do I unswervingly hold the truth in love? Am I covered-up, putting on a game face? Am I projecting someone I am not? Am I transparent and genuine in my love and care for those whom I shepherd? Am I someone they can rely on for godly counsel?
Such questions bombarded my thoughts. Just as soon as the enemy tried to sows seeds of doubt in my head, God rebuked it by affirming to me that He was working in my heart and has planted godly seeds as well. Nothing to boast about because He was quick to remind me that it was only by His grace that the seeds have grown. Through the many tests in the past and the many ordeals I had to face, God kept building me, kept raising me up and was relentless in making me a person He desired and designed me to be. Despite my failings, He was a Father who saw through my heart and was persistent that He was going to use me in spite of me. His grace was sufficient for me. When I was weak, He was strong in me.
One thing I realized in this time of refining-- I must regularly do a pit stop, to pull over and to inspect if I have enough fuel and see if my tyres are still up for the race. I must turn to my pit crew, God-appointed people whom I trust to help me in this race : God - the Team Principal; Paul - my lollipop man and chief mechanic; my sisters Jo & Marj - my jack men; Jam and Cicc - my stabilisers; my dgroup leader, Ate Gnet & my very dear friend, Monette - my front wing men; my cousin, Mav - my refueling man; the ladies in my dgroup - my tyre carriers; my Quesci Bible Study ladies – my tyre changers; May Ann, my special Dgroup friend - my fire extinguisher man.
At the end of the day, I am accountable to God but it helps to keep myself in check, to be accountable to those who I know seek the good for me. Accountable means, they are free to rebuke me in love, even when it is painful. They are ready to pull the punch when needed and I must not take it personally. It means that they love me enough to stay through when I am hard-hearted, they care enough to put a net lest I fall and be broken by God for my stubborn will and hard heart. Thank You Lord for reminding me about two kinds of wisdom—worldy and godly, one former, I must stay away from and the latter, one I must seek.
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
I knew right away why I had to come upon this. The Lord wanted me to do a heart-check. He wanted me to assess whether I am on the right track and with the right speed. Yet again, I am placed in a situation where the enemy is dragging me into a playground and making me second-guess my actions, decisions and motivations. Then again, it could also be God’s way of keeping my pride in check. I was in for a big discovery.
Worldly wisdom sows and is rooted in envy and selfish ambition, the verse said. Was I seeking my own glory and not His? Worldly wisdom is arrogant, boasting and lies against the truth. Was my pride creeping up and making a scene in all of these issues? Are my actions giving lie to the truth I profess and want to impart to the sheep I was tasked to shepherd? Worldly wisdom is earthly, unspiritual and demonic, it goes on to say. Was I seeking my own will and not God’s, pushing to reign supreme and opposing God and His truth? The verse says it results to disorder, lack of unity and every evil thing. Was I pursuing my own cause causing division and conflict in the body, sowing seeds of malice and evil?
At first it seems James was out on a witch-hunt and I honestly felt as if I was in an inquisition where I hope to come out unscathed. Except, I didn’t. And I am not at all surprised because Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Indeed, it judged my pride. Yet, even as I felt pinned on the ground and backed against the wall, God was gracious. He wanted me to see my own heart, to humble me for my own good. He wasn’t done speaking to me and so James went on.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
While God dealt with what was ugly in me, He also wanted me to check and see what He was making beautiful within. Something, the enemy told me that wasn’t there. Godly wisdom is pure and peaceable, James said. Am I pursuing peace in my relationships? Is there peace in my home, with my husband and children? Do I sow peace within the church and in ministry? Godly wisdom is considerate and submissive, he continues. Do I make allowances for the offense and fault of others or do I continuously seek, rant and zero in on what I perceive to be wrong with people and in situations? Am I willing to change my view when proven wrong? Am I quick to listen and slow to anger? Am I able to see the difference between issues that are worth giving blood over and those that aren’t? Godly wisdom is full of mercy and good fruit, he further says. Is my faith showing itself in practical good deeds? Do I have compassion for anyone suffering, whether those in sin and rebellion or those who are suffering because of God’s refining? Godly wisdom is impartial and sincere, he adds. Am I unwavering in my loyalty to Jesus? Am I a friend of the world or of God? Do I unswervingly hold the truth in love? Am I covered-up, putting on a game face? Am I projecting someone I am not? Am I transparent and genuine in my love and care for those whom I shepherd? Am I someone they can rely on for godly counsel?
Such questions bombarded my thoughts. Just as soon as the enemy tried to sows seeds of doubt in my head, God rebuked it by affirming to me that He was working in my heart and has planted godly seeds as well. Nothing to boast about because He was quick to remind me that it was only by His grace that the seeds have grown. Through the many tests in the past and the many ordeals I had to face, God kept building me, kept raising me up and was relentless in making me a person He desired and designed me to be. Despite my failings, He was a Father who saw through my heart and was persistent that He was going to use me in spite of me. His grace was sufficient for me. When I was weak, He was strong in me.
One thing I realized in this time of refining-- I must regularly do a pit stop, to pull over and to inspect if I have enough fuel and see if my tyres are still up for the race. I must turn to my pit crew, God-appointed people whom I trust to help me in this race : God - the Team Principal; Paul - my lollipop man and chief mechanic; my sisters Jo & Marj - my jack men; Jam and Cicc - my stabilisers; my dgroup leader, Ate Gnet & my very dear friend, Monette - my front wing men; my cousin, Mav - my refueling man; the ladies in my dgroup - my tyre carriers; my Quesci Bible Study ladies – my tyre changers; May Ann, my special Dgroup friend - my fire extinguisher man.
At the end of the day, I am accountable to God but it helps to keep myself in check, to be accountable to those who I know seek the good for me. Accountable means, they are free to rebuke me in love, even when it is painful. They are ready to pull the punch when needed and I must not take it personally. It means that they love me enough to stay through when I am hard-hearted, they care enough to put a net lest I fall and be broken by God for my stubborn will and hard heart. Thank You Lord for reminding me about two kinds of wisdom—worldy and godly, one former, I must stay away from and the latter, one I must seek.