by Tini Tadeo-Castillo
Over the last two years, I have been burdened to make amends with those I have wronged and was truly blessed that those I have sought forgiveness from, have been gracious to me. Relationships have been restored, transformed and fortified. I have also learned to let go of past hurts, to release anger and bitterness over those who have wronged me. He taught me to keep no record of wrong because He did exactly that. (It’s a struggle until now but by God’s grace I am able.) God worked in their hearts after He worked in mine and so reconciliations were made possible. Humility was something I had to learn the hard way. In retrospect, I realized that people who annoyed me were teaching me patience, those whom I hated were teaching me unconditional love and compassion, those who angered me were teaching me forgiveness. Those whom I feared were molding me to be courageous and bold. The proud people I come across are teaching me humility.
Lately, God taught me another lessons. Anger is something we all feel and often find it hard to forgive. At some point in our life, we were angry at someone or at something. Some anger mellow down easily but some anger take root, grow into bitterness and so we refuse to forgive. It all depends on how deep the pain inflicted was and how remorseful the person who inflicted the pain is. But sometimes, no matter how shallow or deep the injury was, remorse or no remorse—people will just refuse to forgive. When we are burdened to reconcile and take that mighty step of humility to lower our guns, it is so easy to think that when and as soon as we do, the other party must forgive ASAP and ought to honor our humility. But what if they don’t? Does it mean that we should pursue still? Must we wait? Do we rebuke? Are we supposed to take offense?
Yesterday I learned some lesson first hand. A big part of me hoped for a reconciliation but in all honesty, there was still a a part of me that expected rejection, not cause I lacked faith in God but because I wanted to be prepared for His will. From this experience of rejection, I share the following learning:
1) True Forgiveness is a volitional decision that can only be possible for someone who has experienced real grace from God. I say this from experience. I could never forgive easily before, until I was humbled to realize I was a sinner, forgiven and redeemed. Receiving such grace from God, I was able to do that which I cannot before. Understanding the payment of Christ for my sins convicted me to forgive others no matter how deep the pain inflicted was and how unremorseful the person is. Until a person understand his sins, the payment for it and the One who paid, it will be difficult.
2) Spiritual preparation come in handy. I prepared myself, prayed over what I was to do, sought prayers from others, kept my eyes focused on the task at hand, told myself that God honors obedience and did what I was burdened to do. These preparations helped face rejection. I felt sad, I was wistful and cried because I came close to seeing and hugging that person. But she wasn't ready and I was able to graciously accept. There are things and people that are beyond our control. We can’t make someone forget and most certainly can’t make them forgive. But…
3) What I can do is pray for that person. Pray for good things for her, her salvation, her peace. People who cannot forgive need prayers and must be looked at through the eyes of love. They need Jesus. So, I turn her over to God to work on. Maybe He isn’t done with her just yet and until then I must be patient just as God was and has been patient with me.
Over the last two years, I have been burdened to make amends with those I have wronged and was truly blessed that those I have sought forgiveness from, have been gracious to me. Relationships have been restored, transformed and fortified. I have also learned to let go of past hurts, to release anger and bitterness over those who have wronged me. He taught me to keep no record of wrong because He did exactly that. (It’s a struggle until now but by God’s grace I am able.) God worked in their hearts after He worked in mine and so reconciliations were made possible. Humility was something I had to learn the hard way. In retrospect, I realized that people who annoyed me were teaching me patience, those whom I hated were teaching me unconditional love and compassion, those who angered me were teaching me forgiveness. Those whom I feared were molding me to be courageous and bold. The proud people I come across are teaching me humility.
Lately, God taught me another lessons. Anger is something we all feel and often find it hard to forgive. At some point in our life, we were angry at someone or at something. Some anger mellow down easily but some anger take root, grow into bitterness and so we refuse to forgive. It all depends on how deep the pain inflicted was and how remorseful the person who inflicted the pain is. But sometimes, no matter how shallow or deep the injury was, remorse or no remorse—people will just refuse to forgive. When we are burdened to reconcile and take that mighty step of humility to lower our guns, it is so easy to think that when and as soon as we do, the other party must forgive ASAP and ought to honor our humility. But what if they don’t? Does it mean that we should pursue still? Must we wait? Do we rebuke? Are we supposed to take offense?
Yesterday I learned some lesson first hand. A big part of me hoped for a reconciliation but in all honesty, there was still a a part of me that expected rejection, not cause I lacked faith in God but because I wanted to be prepared for His will. From this experience of rejection, I share the following learning:
1) True Forgiveness is a volitional decision that can only be possible for someone who has experienced real grace from God. I say this from experience. I could never forgive easily before, until I was humbled to realize I was a sinner, forgiven and redeemed. Receiving such grace from God, I was able to do that which I cannot before. Understanding the payment of Christ for my sins convicted me to forgive others no matter how deep the pain inflicted was and how unremorseful the person is. Until a person understand his sins, the payment for it and the One who paid, it will be difficult.
2) Spiritual preparation come in handy. I prepared myself, prayed over what I was to do, sought prayers from others, kept my eyes focused on the task at hand, told myself that God honors obedience and did what I was burdened to do. These preparations helped face rejection. I felt sad, I was wistful and cried because I came close to seeing and hugging that person. But she wasn't ready and I was able to graciously accept. There are things and people that are beyond our control. We can’t make someone forget and most certainly can’t make them forgive. But…
3) What I can do is pray for that person. Pray for good things for her, her salvation, her peace. People who cannot forgive need prayers and must be looked at through the eyes of love. They need Jesus. So, I turn her over to God to work on. Maybe He isn’t done with her just yet and until then I must be patient just as God was and has been patient with me.